I've been thinking the past few days and I've realized how much I hate being fake. I just want to be me. I don't want to have to change who I am because of who I am around. That drives me crazy. And I hate having to schmooze people. I refuse to do it. You can't make me. If you don't like me how I am, then that's too bad. I'm not changing.
This came about for a couple of reasons. First, we had an all school meeting for the School of Social Work the other day. Basically we all had to get together to discuss different school issues - the new building, graduation, the family dinner, convocatation, etc. Well somehow my friends and I got coerced into being "table hosts" for the family dinner. Basically you just make sure everyone is okay, included in conversations, knows what to do and what's going on, stuff like that. Not a hard job. But all the table hosts had to stay after the meeting to discuss final things and one of the grad students asked to be told if someone "really important" is sitting at one of our tables. And the Dean said that she'd make sure we would know if there was a big donor or someone like that. That really irriated me. I'm not going to act differently if there is a donor or not. I'd like to think that I would be acting in a way that it wouldn't matter who is at my table!! And I am NOT going to schmooze anyone at this dinner! I. refuse. to. do. it.
Then yesterday I had to present my social work portfolio to a panel. And a lot of the points I got taken off for my presentation had to do with stupid things like I didn't use enough "social work jargon" or I didn't talk enough about micro and mezzo social work but only focused on macro. I'm not going to throw out social work buzz words just to use them. I think that's stupid. And I don't like micro and mezzo social work!! It's not me!! I like macro. And I don't even see myself going into traditional social work so I am not going to pretend like I'm going to and talk up all this social work stuff that I don't even care about. Not happening. I'm going to talk about what's important to me and what I see myself doing in the future as it is, not what others want me to say I'm going to do or what I like. Because that would be a lie.
Maybe it's because I'm stubborn, maybe it's because I tend to have issues with authority, but I'm not going to try to appease people by changing who I am.
In other news, yesterday we had all afternoon classes cancelled since our new president was being inaugurated. We were supposed to go to it but I didn't. BSSJ's 1 John 3 Campaign had an ad in the paper welcoming him to the univeristy though. And it was the best ad in there, if i do say so myself. It was the only half pager and the guy who designed it was awesome.
Since we didn't go to the inauguration, Jeremy and I went on a motorcycle ride. To my favorite person's town - Crawford. That place cracks me up. I got my picture taken with a cardboard cutout of him at one of the gas stations. And they had a guest book to sign and everyone who wrote in it was going off about what a "courageous and strong leader you are, Pres. Bush! And such a man of faith!" It made me laugh. I REALLY wanted to sign it too, but I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say so i thought i should abstain.
Four days left of classes.